Okay, so the very first thing I think more people should realize about dating is that you're not just dating that boy or that girl. Nope! You are dating God's creation! You are dating God's son or daughter! If that doesn't make you stop and think about how you act, then the rest of what I say really doesn't matter.
Now that I mentioned that, the next thing you need to keep in mind is that dating a non-Christian actually is a big deal. God does call us to not be unequally yoked in our marriages (aka Christian with non-Christian). Dating eventually leads to marriage, so how is dating a non-Christian ok? Its not! It is so much easier for a person to pull you down than it is for you to lift that person up. In other words... no missionary dating!
Next people need to realize that dating at young ages really wont help you in the long run and it may in fact harm things. What if you date the person that you would have married too early? Then things get messy and you break up because you were too young for it to progress into marriage. That... isn't a good thing. Please please PLEASE consider your age when you think about dating!
When you start to date, you need to be sure that you are ready for it. Truly you need to be ready for the type of investment you will be making with your time and your heart. If you aren't ready to commit for a long time then you aren't ready to date (sorry, but its true). It is not ok to say you'll commit for a long time then pull out. That is not fair to the person you are dating and is very painful for them. And that also sets you up badly for marriage as well... you cant just all of a sudden decide you're not ready to be married when you are married. That just doesn't work. If you commit to it... stick to it!
Realize that when you ask someone to date you or say yes to dating someone, even if you don't think you will get emotionally involved, you will. Be prepared for this and guard your heart accordingly.
Keep in mind that there is not a guarantee that your relationship will work out, so do not share things with them that you will regret after.
If the person interested in you is ditching another relationship to be with you... that is NOT ok. Why in the world would you date someone who would ditch their relationship for you? Sure it may make you think "man, they really like me a lot" but what's to say they wont do that to you later? If that is what they're doing and what they're like, then run far away!
Similarly, if they cheat on you and come back... say no!! If they can do that while dating you, why would they stay faithful when they are married to you?
Putting each other down even in fun is not ok! Neither is always play bickering or trying to get on the other's nerves. Eventually all of those things become real. If the world is already trying to bring you down, why would you want to be with someone who does that too? It hurts. Build each other up! In everything you say to each other or to other people about each other, let it be good and helpful.
"I love you" actually means something! Please keep it that way! Don't say "I love you" after the first 2 hours of dating someone. You don't really love them... :P Sure you are highly attracted to them, but loving them comes from knowing them and serving them. That doesn't happen over night. And if someone says "I love you" to you, be sure that they actually back it up for the long run by not just their words, but their actions!
And by actions I do not mean they have sex with you. SEX IS NOT LOVE! Outside of marriage all sex is is lust. By actions I mean that they go out of their way to make sure you are ok, to keep you safe, and to honor you as their boyfriend/girlfriend but also as their brother/sister in Christ!
On the topic of sex... I want to point out that kissing, holding hands, and the stuff that the world considers to be little actually means a lot. If you think about your future spouse, the things you give away to someone now that isn't going to be your spouse, is stuff you are stealing from the person who actually is going to be your spouse. Also, the things you do with the person you are dating... you are depriving and stealing from their future spouse. Please think that over! Mull over it, consider it, think about it, and try to comprehend it. It made me do a double take when I realized that.
Guys, just so you know, girls view kissing very differently than you do. You may consider it an experience and may love it and it may feel amazing, but for girls its different. Girls view kissing as something very precious. Its a way that we give a guy our trust, our love, and our heart. It leaves us vulnerable. While it may make the guys feel powerful, it makes girls feel vulnerable. So even those things you may think are "little" actually are big and mean a whole lot more.
Please realize this and know that it is true. Unless you are married to someone and you are considered by God to be one body, then you have absolutely no right to any part of their body! None! That covers all parts of intimacy! If you are living out your love for God and your future spouse, then why would you treat the person you are dating any differently than a married person would treat someone not their spouse? It may be hard to think about and you may not agree, but think about it! Please, just think it through. :)
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22
People will say things in a moment, but unless they live it out for a long time... be careful!
If it comes to a point where the relationship is not working and you know it needs to end because it is not pleasing to God... then don't make stupid excuses, don't tell them it is because you're not good enough for them, don't say its because you need to work on _______ before you're ready to date, and don't say you realized they weren't good enough. Those are stupid excuses! MAN (or woman) UP! Take the fall for your choices, and end things without putting the blame on them, or on God. Be straight with them. If you're going to break their heart or hurt them, the least you can do is be honest, open, and gentle with them!
Do not ask to be friends or try to stay friends with your ex. 1. A friend would never hurt you how your ex did. A friend would have looked out for your interest, not their own. 2. This isn't fair to you! Your emotions were involved and if you're always hoping that it will go back to how it was, then that really isnt fair to your heart. 3. It isnt fair to your future boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse to always have an ex hanging around. That just isnt cool. No one wants to be reminded that there was someone around before them!
Relationships take two! And if only one of you is working for it... it will not work. :( Trust me. Even if you put your all into making it work, unless the other person tries too then the relationship will die.
Dating isn't easy. It takes work. It takes time. It hurts. Its wonderful. Its painful. It has ups. It has downs. You have to work for it, but anything good is worth the work. And if the person makes you happy, if its honoring to God, if you're comfortable and can be yourself around them, and if they are wanting to serve you and in turn serve God, then why wouldn't you work for it?
God bless!
Breanna
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