Ok so this is something that I've noticed is a huge deal for people who are in dating relationships or who are married. This is something that actually breaks relationships apart and to me, its something that really needs to be addressed. This thing is known to many of you as "like" or "attraction". Now when you are not in a relationship, liking someone or being attracted to them is not that big of a deal. In fact, its expected and normal and totally ok! :) So what happens when you're in a relationship with an amazing person, but you notice someone else? What happens when you are attracted to someone other than your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife? Well here's what I see happening most often...
First there is a couple. They are super happy, they adore each other, and they know that they are dating/married to someone who has the same values and beliefs as them. They are incredible together and their relationship is God honoring. And then.... one of them notices someone else who is nice, good looking, and maybe they have fun with. But they are caught, because they have someone in their life already. They are torn between the "newness" of this new person and the deep commitment they have with the other person. This causes a LOT of confusion and hurt for all of the people involved. And the relationship ends up breaking apart because the person attracted to the new person can not let go of the new person or the idea of them.
I'm sure lots of you have seen this happen in your friends' dating relationships and sadly even in marriages. It is completely heart breaking... and really I don't understand it. But it happens and it is completely horrible. So what does God think of this crazy horrible thing?
For marriages in particular, the Bible states that "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24 How can you separate something that is one flesh without completely killing both halves and ripping them apart? The truth? You cant.
Paul states plainly what the view of divorce is in 1st Corinthians 7:10-11, "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does she should remain unmarried or reconcile to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife." Does any of that say "If you are attracted to a new person its totally ok to ditch your husband/wife and go with this other person"? Nope, in fact it doesn't leave room for that. It says not to leave your husband/wife. So attraction to another person should not get in the way of marriages! But why does it?
Because people stop thinking about God and about their spouse and start thinking about themselves and their selfish desires. When you take your eyes off of pleasing God and being the best person you can be for Him and how you can best serve your significant other, then you start focusing on your self and that is when these sins slip in. This is the same for dating relationships and why people cheat or they break up because they just don't "feel into it anymore". Feelings don't really have a ton to do with being committed Yes, attraction is a good thing, however those fuzzy feelings fade and then you are left with the real person. True commitment comes when you know the real person and you CHOOSE to stay with them. And what happens when you notice another new attractive person? Is it a huge sin? Is it wrong? Well... in all honestly I believe that you may always notice an attractive person. However, commitment comes in when you realize that you already are with an amazing person and God has already provided you with someone to love and who loves you, and you can walk away from that new person knowing that you are choosing to be committed. Is it wrong to notice an attractive person? No, it is only wrong to cheat on the person you are dating/married to. Really its an eye to thought connection. Your eyes can notice something, but unless you let your brain dwell on it, then its just something you notice but don't really think about. When you see someone else that is attractive, as long as you don't dwell on it, it is just something you notice, more of a fact that doesn't really affect you. It is when you let it sit in your mind and you dwell on it that the trouble starts. God asks us to dwell on things that are pleasing to Him, so is dwelling on someone who isn't the person you have committed to honoring to God? Where your thoughts are, there your heart will be also. Be careful not to let your mind wander, and your heart won't be as quick to follow.
Commitment isn't NOT noticing an attractive person, it is walking away from them knowing you already are dating/married to an amazing person. God has provided you with an amazing man/woman so why would you need anything else? He provides for our needs, so trust Him and stay committed.
Breanna
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